Children | Should we tell the children

One of the first issues many people face is whether to tell the children about the imprisonment of a relative. Some families prefer to hide the issue, perhaps explaining that Mummy or Daddy has gone to work abroad, or has gone on a long holiday - other families believe that telling the child the truth is better, otherwise the child will 'fill in the gaps' for themselves or blame themselves for the sudden disappearance of their parent (or other adult, depending on their relationship with the detainee).

The following article called "Questions Children Ask" is written by the American organisation Families and Corrections Network. It is an interesting discussion about the types of questions children may have after they have found out about a relative's detention, what they might think if they are told the truth, or if the truth is hidden from them. We hope you find it useful and thought-provoking.

Questions children ask (File size: 99KB) (Courtesy of Families and Corrections Network)

Even when a family has made the decision to tell the children about their relative's detention, the next issue to decide is what to tell them, how much to tell them, or who should let them know. There are no easy answers, and you should come to a decision which is right for you and your family. Perhaps you yourself are unclear about prison conditions in the country in which the person is detained, or you are worried that telling the truth will upset your children. Perhaps you are different, and believe that children knowing the whole truth is the best way forward, so that they don't have to invent things for themselves or imagine conditions which might be more horrific than they actually are, even if they might be upset at first.

You could always call Prisoners Abroad to speak about this with someone who will not judge you – talking things though might help you to clarify your next steps. We can inform you about prison conditions or regulations and discuss what to say if a child wants to discuss this with you. Some people prefer to speak to other family members who might be dealing with similar issues – if this is the case you can join our Family Linking scheme or attend one of our Family Days.