During his time imprisoned in the USA, Sam was able to come to terms with his situation and process the complex thoughts and emotions that often sit alongside a sentence. He was helped by support from Prisoners Abroad in the form of newsletters, Christmas and birthday cards, and freepost envelopes - despite challenging prison regulations in the USA. Now back in the UK, he wrote this insightful piece for our overseas newsletter to give some hope to others still detained in foreign prisons, and we thought you might enjoy his perspective too.

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I should say first of all that my crime was committed almost ten years prior to my arrest, but I wasn’t charged at that time. I was finally arrested in May of 2011 and sentenced and imprisoned in December that same year. During the intervening months, my wife and I prepared for me going to prison. I told her that I thought it unreasonable for her to wait all that time for me, especially since I was not a US citizen – I had a green card - and would be deported after I had served my time. As you can imagine, this was a turbulent period.

It was difficult to continue a normal life with my incarceration looming, but somehow we managed. I trained a replacement before quitting my job and we had a huge garage sale and sold off a lot of belongings. I also prepared ‘instruction manuals’ for some of the more complicated procedures that I normally took care of around the house.

Eventually the day came, and I was sentenced in court. The first prison I was taken to was called Quarantine. It was like those multi-level prisons you see in the movies, with a wall of tiny, open-bar cells stretching up over four or five levels. The prisoners already there yelled insults and threats to the new ‘fish’ arriving. It was a very frightening introduction to prison life. Quarantine was a baptism by fire: communal showers, terrible food, and a lot of senseless rules to follow. For example, you weren’t allowed to run on the yard, and so, with fifty or so prisoners allowed out at a time for a 40-minute period, it was funny and frustrating to watch about a hundred prisoners speed walking to try to get one of the six available phones.

The second prison I went to was worse. Even though it was a level four facility (with tight security and limited movement) there were almost daily fights and acts of violence. Disposable shaving razors were still available at that time, and I witnessed several people being cut by makeshift weapons.

I also saw a couple of people severely beaten. It was extremely scary and unnerving. And I had at least ten years of this ahead of me? To say I was not looking forward to it was an understatement.

The prison food was not good. I think that’s a universal truth. I was in prison in America, and so I was luckier than people imprisoned in some other countries, but the food was still pretty bad. There were a lot of potatoes, and everything was overcooked, tasteless and lacking nutritional value.

Another thing that I found amusing is that when we had family or friends visit us in prison, we prisoners thought that the microwave burgers and other low-quality items from the vending machines were so tasty and delicious! Being called out for a visit was like an invitation to a feast! Our tastebuds had been deprived for so long, anything with even a hint of flavour seemed wonderful to us.

We did not have a lot of time outside the cell - just for meals and a couple of hours on the exercise yard, or in a room with a TV and microwaves for cooking. People would play cards, dominoes, or chess.

Since we spent a lot of time in our cells, it was important to get along well with your ‘bunkie’. I was lucky in that regard, and my first bunkie was a veteran of the prison system who showed me the ropes. I am a pretty relaxed and easy-going person, so I was able to have good relationships for the most part with all of my cell-mates. I was in prison in America, and so the language wasn’t a problem for me. It was still a big culture shock for me – a highly educated, older male - to be inserted into a predominantly young population of uneducated men, most of whom had been in prison before.

One thing that helped me a lot, I think, is that since I am from Glasgow, I have a strong Scottish accent. This made me a bit of a curiosity, and a lot of people were interested in talking to me. It is hard to make friends in prison, because there are many people who will pretend to be your friend in order to take advantage of you, but you soon learn to spot those kind of people and avoid them as best you can.

In saying that, I did make some good friends in each of the prisons I was in. One thing that is important to say about people in prison is that you can’t simply judge someone by what they did to get into prison. There are many interesting, talented, intelligent, caring people behind bars, and many of them are redeemable, are people of value to society.

In my opinion, the most important thing about a long prison sentence is to adjust your mindset to the fact that you are going to be there for a long time. Try not to think of it as an interruption or a temporary break, because then you will constantly be longing for things that you can’t have, or won’t have for a long time. Live your life, make the most of it, wherever you are.

In prison, you have a lot of time to just sit and think. You need to be careful not to get into cycles of negative thought. Interact with other people, and listen to them when they talk. This will help you realise that you are not alone. Other people have been where you are, and have survived and thrived afterward.

My wife was attentive, communicative, and supportive at first, but after a couple of years, she became distant. We reconnected recently, and she told me that she was trying to break ties and start a life on her own, since, as I already mentioned, we would be apart in the future. I understood this, but it was still difficult to deal with. We divorced after I had served about four years of my sentence, and contact after that was a lot less frequent. Surprisingly, her sister was my most ardent supporter during my incarceration. She came to visit me frequently, and that was very important to me. I will forever be grateful to her for that.

I think it is essential to maintain some kind of support network, because in prison you have a lot of time to think- too much time in fact - and it’s easy to become trapped in negative or unhealthy patterns of thought. As with everything else, some balance is required. I knew people in prison who would talk to their spouse or partner at least once every single day. In my opinion, that is too much, but perhaps it works for some people.

It is important to realise that for people on the outside, life proceeds at a much faster pace than for you.

They have jobs, bills, travel, and a thousand other things to take care of. So it’s unreasonable to expect them to be at your beck and call all the time. While it’s comforting to know that there is someone out there who loves and cares for you, you have to let them live their life as well. This is especially true if you have a long time to serve in prison. Be patient and kind with them. Don’t get mad because your loved one isn’t as responsive as you would like.

I often had feelings of loneliness and isolation. I think it’s an inevitable part of being in prison. However, I tried to make the most of my time in that environment by keeping busy with an exercise program, and by getting involved in many different activities. I think being active and interacting with other people is essential. You will realise that many people share your feelings, your fears and frustrations. It’s comforting to know that you are not alone.

I was also active in a lot of different ways within the prison system. I went to the library, to church, I sang in the choir, I attended yoga classes, I learned to play bridge, scrabble, and many different card games. I also learned to crochet and made soft toys for local daycare centres. That was good for my self-esteem. I maintained a regular exercise program during my incarceration. It did me good both physically and mentally, and since I was usually working out with other people, it was a good way to build relationships.

When I was in my first month of incarceration I was lucky enough to be contacted by a representative from the British Consulate, and she gave me some information on Prisoners Abroad. I contacted them and it was one of the best things I could have done. They were a great help to me during the entire period of my incarceration.

The support I received from Prisoners Abroad varied from prison to prison [in the USA, this is often down to differences between federal and state facilities, including regulations on receiving post]. At first, I received the newsletter, with stamped envelopes, magazines, and all of the material I needed for repatriation. I loved getting mail of any kind, and especially the birthday and Christmas cards, signed by the Prisoners Abroad staff. It was so comforting to know that people cared about me and wanted to know that I was doing ok. My birth family really didn’t support me at all, and so to have contact with people on the outside was essential to maintain my sanity.

Towards the end of my sentence, the prison I was in had all sorts of ridiculous rules in place, which severely restricted the amount of help I could receive. For example, we were not allowed to receive paper of any kind from outside of prison, because it had become possible to soak chemical agents into it, thereby smuggling drugs in from outside. So I couldn’t receive any letters or cards, magazines, books or newspapers. And a photocopy of a pre-paid envelope just didn’t work with the postal service.

Another of their rules was that we were not allowed to order any language learning books. Apparently, this was because prisoners could learn foreign languages and communicate secret plans behind the guards’ backs. Never mind the fact that there were about a dozen foreign languages already being spoken by inmates. This was especially irritating for me because I had started learning French during my time inside.

Luckily, by that time, I had already received a lot of support from Prisoners Abroad, and I had adapted successfully to life in prison. The main problem that remained was the fact that, after serving my time, I would be returning to a country I hadn’t lived in for over thirty years. I had no idea how to navigate the benefits system, how to find somewhere to live, how to get a job - which I imagined would be especially difficult with a prison record. All of that was extremely unnerving, and it was comforting to know that Prisoners Abroad would be there to support me when I got back to the UK.

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Being offered a lifeline can change everything. 

Prisoners Abroad translates human rights law into practical life-saving actions by providing prisoners access to vitamins and essential food, emergency medical care, freepost envelopes to keep in touch with home and books and magazines to help sustain mental health.

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