Sophie’s time in prison in Turkey was filled with isolation, loneliness, and despair. A language barrier meant she had no one to talk about her situation with, but thanks to emotional and practical support provided by Prisoners Abroad, she is now back in the UK, repairing her relationship with her family and bridging the gap to a new life.

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The prison was cold, with high brick walls and massive blue steel doors reaching at least 9ft tall. No one spoke one word of English. No one explained how the prison ran or how I could contact home or get legal advice – nothing. The walls had thousands of different messages written by many other prisoners, all in Turkish. The beds where metal framed and we had a thin mattress and a wool blanket that was so itchy and provided hardly any warmth. I was to learn later that you must buy everything in canteen. It was more expensive in prison than on the outside, and I had no money or clothes. 

I had no toiletries, not even a toothbrush or soap to wash; I felt so dirty. We got hot water from 9.30-11.30am twice a week for everyone to wash. We would then wash our clothes in a plastic round tray, scrub them clean and hang them out on the makeshift washing line in the yard.

We got two meals a day at 12pm and 5pm. It came in four big silver bowls, like dog bowls, and usually one was soup, one was a potato or tomato base, with a baguette. Once a week, we got a small piece of cheese or a packet of jam or chocolate. That was the highlight and we were always given rice the next day. Most meals tasted very bland and there weren't any proper vegetables – it was always just whatever was cheapest. Everyone had such bad skin and felt constantly sick.

It was scary being in a cage with 33 other women, none of whom spoke any English. It felt very lonely and there was no activities.

I would pace the yard and try to keep active using things like water bottles filled up as weights. But I just slept most of the day, hoping it would end. I had zero energy and was lost in my own thoughts. You could never escape your own mind; I missed freedom, missed the life I used to have, and wished I could turn back time. I wished I wouldn't wake up, but every morning I did.

Another lady in my room had bought a tv, so I managed to get one English music channel to listen to and then watch Turkish channels, trying to pick up some of the language. I didn’t know a single word before I was put in prison, but over time I learnt the very basics. 

The communication was such a barrier. I wanted to chat with the rest of the women in my cell, but I couldn’t. I felt like a mute, wanting to express myself. The others would show pictures of their family and friends, talk about things they had done or read out their letters from their loved ones. I felt so alone, with no one to talk to about any off it. 

Being in prison made me reflect on a lot of the choices I had made. I missed my family, especially my mam. I longed, prayed to hold her again, see her face in the flesh, hug her and tell her that I loved her, and to be the daughter I had always set out to be.

I thought had thought I had felt loneliness before, but it was nothing compared to what I experienced during my prison sentence. Every single day, I felt lonely. I had no one in prison to communicate with in English, no one back home to write to as it was so expensive, and no phone. You miss having someone you can text daily. I just wanted to die. For the pain to stop, for all of it to stop.

I first heard about Prisoners Abroad after 6 weeks inside when I was visited by the British consulate. I filled in the forms and waited for a reply. I didn't think anyone could help me at this point, but secretly it gave me that little bit of hope.

I received a survival grant from Prisoners Abroad - £90 every three months. This might not sound like much, but it helped me buy things from the canteen like soap, shampoo, blankets and a pillow. I also had to pay for the electricity in my cell, which we all got billed for every month. I also purchased writing paper and a pad. I forgot how much I loved to draw. This really helped me to switch off from what was happening around me at the time and distracted me from the dark thoughts of suicide that I battled every single day. 

Prisoners Abroad also sent me newspapers and magazines to read in English, as well as their newsletter which was filed with stories of other prisoners, drawings and puzzles. It helped so much to read their stories and the helpful information on what happens when you go home – the support networks and who to get in touch with. I even got a birthday card. That meant so much to me, as it was the worst time to be in prison on your birthday. I have kept the card to this day. 

I was excited, nervous and scared all at once to return to the UK. I felt sick on the plane. On seeing my parents for the first time in over 2 years, we all sobbed and broke down crying. I wanted to rebuild my life but had no idea where to start and I felt like a stranger, like I didn’t belong. I wanted to move forward, but I had been in limbo for so long. I went to live with my mam outside of London, so I received long-arm resettlement support from Prisoners Abroad, but they were still so helpful and were there if I had any queries or needed information.

I struggled to get a job at first, as every time I applied, they would question the gap in my CV. I didn't want to be judged. But I’ve now got a job working from home, which helps me with my mental health and anxiety. Helping people makes me feel fulfilled. I used to love going to the gym, so I have signed up to a new one and cannot wait to get back to training properly as this has always been a great passion of mine. Life finally seems to be moving forward.

Prisoners Abroad saved me when I didn't think it was possible, by helping me and my mam through the whole process.

The only good thing to come out of this whole situation is that I have found myself again and I am slowly rebuilding my relationship with her now. I hope in the future my story can show others who find themselves locked away in a foreign country that life is so beautiful and we shouldn’t waste it for a single moment.

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Being offered a lifeline can change everything. 

Prisoners Abroad translates human rights law into practical life-saving actions by providing prisoners access to vitamins and essential food, emergency medical care, freepost envelopes to keep in touch with home and books and magazines to help sustain mental health.

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